Bad news, brethren and sistren. Just when we thought we had them
whupped good, the forces of evil are once again at work in Nebraska.
It reminds me of what our sainted Cotton Mather wrote at the Salem
Witch Trials back in 1692: "The devil is now making one attempt more upon
us. . . an attempt so critical, that if we get well through, we shall soon
enjoy halcyon days with all the vultures of hell trodden under our feet."
I know, I know. We thought we'd defeated the vultures of hell
when we passed Amendment 416 banning same-sex marriage. And we thought
we'd surely buried the idea that homosexuals are as good as anyone else when
our governor vetoed LB215 last summer because it would keep realtors from
discriminating on grounds of sexual orientation.
But vultures of hell are stubborn and now they are proposing yet
another attack on our virtue, LB19, the priority bill of—who else?—Sen.
Ernie Chambers.
You know what LB19 would do? Take a deep breath and grit your
teeth because I'm about to tell you. LB19 would outlaw workplace
discrimination against homosexuals!
Yes, it would. It would outlaw workplace discrimination against
homosexuals! Make your blood boil? Well, I should say.
What is this state coming to when it has to keep biting and
scratching and kicking against the idea that abominations have to be
treated like everyone else?
The Bible couldn't be more clear. It's right there in Leviticus,
just before we're told that we mustn't wear clothes mingled of linen and
woolen. It says: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it
is abomination."
But of course we can't mention that in arguing against LB19
because we'd be told that Americans don't base laws on religion.
Separation of church and state, they call it. Sure—tell that to Cotton
Mather!
Well, I say it's time to stand up and say to heck with separation
of church and state. I say it's time we show the same testicular
fortitude that the lady mayor of Inglis, Florida, showed.
Her heroism made the NY Times.
Her name is Carolyn Risher and here's what she did. She banished
Satan from Inglis. By mayoral proclamation. Because God told her to.
She got the idea last Halloween when she saw little children
dressed as witches and goblins. Her minister asked her to help cleanse
the town of evil by putting hollowed-out posts at the city limits so he
could put prayers in them.
And with the prayers, she put in copies of her mayoral
proclamation. God guided her hand in writing it. She said so. And
here's what it says:
"Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness,
giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever
again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared
powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens. In the
past Satan has caused division, animosity, hate, confusion, ungodly acts
on our youth, and discord among our friends and loved ones. No longer!
We exercise our authority over the devil in Jesus' name. By that
authority, and through His Blessed Name, we command all Satanic and
demonic forces to cease their activities and depart the town of Inglis."
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The Truth, Mainly
Cotton Mather couldn't have said it better.
The proclamation was stamped with the official seal of the city.
Thus is separation of church and state refuted.
Sure, not everyone in town is happy about it. But what do you
expect?
•A local police officer—a police officer!—said "There hasn't
been what I would call a mathematical drop in crimes."
•Somebody stole the posts the proclamation copies were inside of.
•The mayor gets lots of evil phone calls. "Carolyn?" one wicked
caller said. "This is Satan. I know you want me, baby."
•And you know what one snooty Inglis businessman said? He said,
"Count me among the embarrassed."
But the mayor perseveres. She's put her proclamations in new
hollowed-out posts that are sunk in reinforced concrete.
"He ain't going to take them this time," she said, "without some
real work."
So with Mayor Risher's example in mind, here's what our governor
should do: (1)put down the Constitution and pick up Cotton Mather and
the Old Testament; (2)put up hollowed-out posts on all roads leading into
the state, and fill the posts with gubernatorial proclamations quoting
Leviticus and informing homosexuals they'll be officially declared
abominations once they cross into Nebraska.
Or better yet, (3)put the proclamation on billboards throughout
the state.
And anyone who's among the embarrassed can just get the heck out.
They can go to Kansas. They're teaching evolution down there again—you
know, that evil theory that organisms survive by adapting to new
conditions.
Retired English Professor Leon Satterfield writes to salvage clarity
from his confusion. His column appears on alternate Mondays. His e-mail
address is:
leonsatterfield@earthlink.net.
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